the shape of grace.

"The goodness and mercy of God isn’t just following after me placidly. The goodness and mercy of God pursues after me passionately. And God’s blessings don’t pursue temporarily — but relentlessly. Whatever is chasing you — no matter what it looks like — it’s grace. And grace isn’t what makes us feel good: grace is all that makes us more like Jesus. Because the real truth is: God wants to bless more than we want to be blessed. So why run from whatever God is giving? It’s only got to be for my ultimate good and His ultimate glory. And nothing can overwhelm me — like grace can overtake me." Anne Voskamp.

psalm 23:6 proclaims, "surely the goodness and mercy of God shall follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." i read this blog [based on that verse] about a week ago, and boy has it been convicting me, challenging me, and compelling me to the cross. this season of transition has been one of difficulty, tears, perceived loneliness, and questioning for me. it has been messy...and i don't tend to do messy well. but i'm beginning to learn that in the midst of messy is where HE tends to show up. 

as i've been trying to run from so much that God has given in this season, i've been missing the GLORY that He's bringing and the shape His grace is forming to me today. in my head i could come up with a million scenarios that would "be better" than what my reality is right now (if only so and so were still here, if my national friends/sisters were still around, if i could just eat something familiar, if i didn't have to pretend i know enough language to get 10 people through medical exams and passport exchanges, etc etc etc)...but in my wishing away what is, i was totally missing the rich PORTION that the Lord has for in this season. i was denying that His grace could come in the shape of difficult circumstance. i was fleeing the notion that life should be anything but comfortable. i was longing for my own definition of "good" rather than pressing into what His might look like. 

the whole aim of this Christian life is to know more of Jesus and that our lives might be molded to look more like His. so WHY DO I RUN? why do i ask for sanctification but feel surprised when it comes? because if grace makes us more like Jesus, that means it strips away more of my sinful flesh--so that's gotta be painful and difficult. as i see Jesus' grace anew in fresh ways here in this corner of the world, i'm asking for RENEWAL. i'm asking that the Lord would daily SLAY that which is of my flesh and GIVE LIFE to that which is of Himself. because He promises when our minds are renewed, transformation comes. but i know in the asking, i'm stepping further into the uncomfortable. conforming to the world comes far too easily to me...i want to be expectant and looking for ways this transformation can make me look more like Jesus. goodness though, i know it'll be messy...