learning to be a child.

interestingly enough i've spent the past five years studying how children learn and the practices behind education. yet in the past three weeks i have been learning firsthand what it truly means to BE a child: a child of our Lord, a child of a new culture, a child of the nationals around me, a child of a new language. our culture typically strays from childlike postures, but i'm finding it might be the most advantageous position to assume.

moving thousands of miles away from home to a place where i barely know how to say hello leaves a lot of room for growth. i've always loved learning, but this learning curve has repeatedly left me feeling helpless. when i leave my apartment, i can't communicate with 99% of the people i encounter; if i want to bake banana bread, gesturing for sugar seems like an impossible task; when i ride the subway i struggle to pronounce even the pinyin spellings of the train stops. with everything around me changing, i seem to forget the simplest of things. i daily feel like i've lost control...but i'm quickly reminded that i am not meant to be in a place of control. i long for the comfort that this "semblance of control" i cling to brings, yet i'm learning that's not how life is meant to be lived at all. 

i've been brought to 2 corinthians 12:7-10 again and again in the past few weeks and am learning to be grateful for weakness. this is a place where my inadequacies are shown repeatedly. in praying for where the Lord would have me this year, i asked to be in the place where i would be sanctified most...little did i know how quickly that prayer would be answered. living in close community, my sin shows up real fast; it's something i can't really escape, yet i know it's such a good spot to be in. seeing my pride, my lack of love/grace, and my self-reliance bring me to a place of neediness--i am seeking to let that neediness drive me to the Gospel day by day. in that neediness, i am asking to look more like our Father each night when i go to sleep than when i awoke that morning. i'm ever grateful that His power emerges in this weakness.

as a child must fully surrender in trust to their parents, life in east asia requires my daily surrender to my Father. often my surrender comes with kicking and screaming as i fight for control and refuse to abide. as i'm brought to my knees, i long to yield unwaveringly as a child does. i know i have much to learn, so today i am thankful to be a child.